Relena's Disgruntled Love Life
by Morphed Shadows
Summary: Pure insanity accurs. Relena gets her head stuck in a sombaro, Wing Zero falls in love, Duo goes to Mexico, Heero has...uh...problems, and people still want to go out with Treize...even though he's dead? Heh...all this happens just 'cause of one letter se


Relena's Disgruntled Lovelife   
  
By: Tatsu Maki & Kaze Okoshi   
  
A/N: Hm, we don't have much to say, but Tatsu Maki wants to cover up the copyright stuff Blah blah blah. Well, don't steal because we'll find you and believe me, you'll be sorry. And no, we don't own Dido or Britney Spear's song. We just changed around the  
words a bit. And if you want to know, "Omae o korosu" means "I'll kill you" in Japanese, and if you really actually care, "baka" means "idiot" (Not like you already hadn't known that ^_~)  
  
To my Dearest Relena,  
I wrote this poem when I was thinking of you:   
  
Roses are red   
Violets are blue   
I am sweet   
And so are you   
  
Love, Heero Yuy   
  
Dear Heero,   
I never knew you had  
feelings for me. How about dinner tomorrow night?   
  
Love, Relena   
  
To Relena:   
What the hell are you talking about? And how did you get my address?   
- Heero   
  
Dear Heero,   
That love letter you sent me. It was so beautiful and so romantic...   
I'll attach it to this letter I'm sending you. So do you want to go out for dinner or not?   
Love always,   
Relena  
  
To Relena:   
It was that stupid braided-hair baka who sent you that letter.   
Don't you recognize that messy handwriting and horrible poetry? And hell no I'd go to dinner with you!   
  
Without love,   
Heero   
  
Dear Heero,   
Oh, you're just being modest.   
Meet me at Chez Pierre at 7:00 tomorrow night,   
OK? Love you!   
  
- Relena   
  
Dear Heero,   
You stood me up! I thought you liked me!   
And how come you haven't been replying?   
I've been sending you many love letters! Please reply!  
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
Dear Relena, (He's actually pilote enough to put 'Dear.' LOL)   
This is Duo. Heero can't reply, because he's really sick.   
He's throwing up on me right now.   
Yuck!   
- He runs, he hides, but never lies: Duo Maxwell, at your service.   
The Shinigami, God of Death  
  
Dear Duo,   
What's with the dramatic signature? And are you free tonight?   
  
Love,   
Relena Dear   
  
Relena,  
I'm sorry, but Duo is not available. He's gone to Mexico for the rest of his life.   
He said he was running from something and looked like he was really scared.   
Well, why don't you try Trowa? Heero is still throwing up all over the place.   
Now I have to clean the mansion like three times a day. He says he gets sick from these  
certain mail he reads.   
Oh no, he just threw up on me.   
I gotta go do laundry   
Later,   
Quatre Raberba Winner   
  
To Relena:   
I wrote this song when I was thinking about you. I attached a tape along.   
I kind of got a little help from Dido.   
I hope you hate it.   
Hatefully yours,   
Heero Yuy   
  
::Relena opens a tape and puts it in her cassette player and this song plays::   
  
My tea's all warm   
I'm glad I got out of bed at all   
The morning sun shines out my window   
And I can see it all   
And when I look outside it all is bright   
But your picture on my wall It reminds me, "Omae o korosu, omae o korosu"   
  
I've had a good day   
Don't have bills to pay   
My head got rid of pain   
I got on the bus   
There'll be fun today   
I'm early for work again   
And pretty soon don't be surprised   
If Wing Zero makes you pay   
But then you call me   
And it is so bad, it is so bad   
  
And I want to kill you   
For giving me the worst day of my life   
And oh just to be with you   
Is giving me the worst day of my life   
  
My tea's all warm   
I'm glad I got out of bed at all   
The morning sun shines out my window   
And I can see it all   
And when I look outside it all is bright   
But your picture on my wall It reminds me, "Omae o korosu, omae o korosu"   
  
And I want to kill you   
For giving me the worst day of my life   
And oh just to be with you   
Is giving me the worst day of my life   
  
Push the door I'm home again   
Grinning about your death T  
hen you come into the room And I'm thinking "What the heck?!"   
And if the ceiling would cave in on you I wouldn't give a sh**   
Now you're not near me, and I'm so happy, I'm so happy   
  
And I want to kill you   
For giving me the worst day of my life   
And oh just to be with you   
Is giving me the worst day of my life   
  
To my dearest Heero,   
That was so sweet! I wrote a song for you too. I got help from Britney Spears.   
Just listen to the tape attached.   
  
Love always,   
Relena   
  
::Heero gets out the tape, and throws it in the trash. But Duo, doing his daily rummaging in the trash can finds the tape and pops it into Heero's cassette player while he is sleeping::   
  
I tell you I'm in love with you   
I can't keep my eyes away from handsome you   
But everytime you say good-bye   
I break into my usual wail and cry   
I wanna believe you will marry me   
Cuz it sounds so good   
But do you really want me I won't move slow   
There's things about you I just gotta know   
Sometimes you run   
Sometimes you hide   
Sometimes you're scared of me   
But all I want is to hug you tight   
Treat you right   
Be with you day and night  
Maybe all you need is time   
  
::The tape is suddenly stopped by Duo, and Heero, who was awakened by the demon tape, pukes, followed by a disgusted Duo::  
  
Relena,   
I hated that tape, and if you weren't listening to the lyrics of the song I sent you, I hate you. And don't ever mail me again. Try Treize, he should listen to you. (o_O)  
  
Extremely hatefully yours,   
Heero   
  
Dear Treize,   
This is me Relena. You wanna go out sometime? Please mail me back!   
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
PS: I know we had a 'little' disagreement durring the war, but now that that's all behind us! ^_^   
  
Dear Relena,   
I'm sorry, but Treize is dead.   
You'll have to mail him in the afterlife, but if you do, I'll kill you again, because he's MINE! So hands off!   
  
Sincerely, Lady Une   
  
Dear Trowa a.k.a. Trinton Bloom,   
I've seen your circus act. You're pretty good.   
How about dinner tomorrow night?   
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
Dear Relena,   
How'd you get my address?   
  
Signed,  
Trowa   
  
Dear Relena,   
Hands off of Trowa! You're never getting my brother!   
  
Your enemy,   
Catherine Bloom   
  
Dear Quatre,   
None of my lovelives are working! Waah! And I know what a sweet and sensitive person you are. Would you be my boyfriend?   
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
Relena,   
No you are not going to date Master Quatre. He already has a girlfriend, I  
believe. But I never questioned, because he tells me to stay out of his lovelife.   
  
Sincerely,   
Rashid   
  
Quatre - ::Somehow finds the letter, and reads it:: YUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCK!! (Screams can be heard throughout the universe)  
  
~ Meanwhile ~  
  
Duo - Hm? Heero? Did you hear something?  
  
Heero - Hrn.  
  
Duo - Heh...nevermind, must've just been you  
  
Dear Relena,   
I've been noticing that you've been chasing after many guys.   
Well, I've been chasing after many girls.   
How about we discuss this over dinner?   
  
Love,   
Chang Wufei   
  
Dear Wufei,   
No way!   
  
- Relena   
  
Dear Relena,   
INJUSTICE!   
  
Sincerely,   
Wufei   
  
Dear Wufei,   
"Injustice" is such a charming word. Maybe we should go out for a cup of tea.   
Going for dinner is a little too fast-paced for me. Would that be all right?   
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
Dear Relena,   
^_^ OKay then. See you on our date.  
  
Love,   
Chang Wufei   
  
Dear Wufei,   
It's not a date. It's a get together. But how's tomorrow at noon for you?   
  
Love,   
Relena   
  
Dear Relena,   
Did you finally get a life yet? Because I notice you stopped following me ^_^   
Oh, Duo came back from Mexico a few weeks ago and he brought me a sombrero.   
Do you want it?   
  
Love,  
Heero   
  
Dear Heero,   
I'm currently dating Wufei now!   
He's such a nice guy! I'm so glad you introduced us!   
He's the nicest guy I've ever met, and we have so much in common.  
He's so cute isn't he? -  
  
Relena   
  
Dear Relena,   
What the hell are you talking about?   
I didn't introduce y'all!   
And dump that creep and come to me. I miss you.   
  
Love,   
Heero   
  
P.S. I attached the sombrero along to this letter   
  
Relena - ::Gets out the sombero, and puts it on, but it had been trapped by Duo, so it is now..well, super glued to he rhead::  
  
Heero,   
You stay away from MY Relena!   
  
Your rival,   
Chang Wufei   
  
Yo Wuffy,   
Wazzup? I got back from Mexico! Actually I never went.   
I just went to some flea market selling Mexican antiques and then I went to Taco Bell. It was good. Wait, why am I writing this to you? Oh well, I heard you were  
dating that no life, Relena. How's things going with you? Awful? I think so.   
Well, Heero wanted me to write this to you that if you don't dump her, he will kill you.   
  
- He runs, he hides, but never lies: Duo Maxwell, at your service.   
The Shinigami, God of Death   
  
Dear Relena,   
Will you marry me?   
  
Love,   
Chang Wufei   
  
::Relena's name got smudged and he accidentally mailed it to Heero::   
  
Wufei,   
Omae o korosu.   
Hell no, I'd marry you.   
Are you gay or something?   
I thought you were dating my Relena  
  
Hatefully yours,   
Heero   
  
Dear Heero,   
I dumped Relena. And I think you're a pretty cool guy.   
You wanna go out sometime?   
  
Love,   
Wufei (Uh oh...yaoi is coming in x_x)  
  
Dear Wufei,   
What the hell were you thinking?   
This is Duo, and boy, you have a sad lovelife!   
I had to write for Heero because he passed out!   
But, I'm sure he's free Friday night. Meet him at the movie theatres at 7 PM, OK?   
  
- He runs, he hides, but never lies: Duo Maxwell, at your service.   
The Shinigami, God of Death   
  
Dear Heero,   
I hooked you up for a blind date because I feel sorry for you that your only true love, Relena, doesn't love you anymore. Go to the movie theatre at Friday night, 7 PM   
  
- Duo Maxwell, who is tired of his dramatic signature   
  
~~~~~~ Friday Night, 7:00 PM ~~~~~~   
  
Heero - I wonder who my date is (looks around, and he is wearing a tux)   
  
Duo - Oh, you'll like him, I mean, her   
  
Heero - (luckily doesn't hear, and continues to look around)   
  
Wufei - (comes in) Heero! There you are. Ready for the date?   
  
Heero - (stares at him weirdly, then turns to Duo) Where's my date?   
  
Duo - (points at Wufei) He's your date   
  
Heero - O.O;;; (gives him the Death Look) Omae o korsu!!! ::Fists clench::   
  
Wufei - Come on, sweetie, we'll have a good time   
  
Heero - (runs off screaming) Okaa-san!!! (finds Wing Zero even though it blew up, he somehow gets it and comes after Duo and Wufei) I'll kill you, I'll kill you all!!! (laughs evilly)   
Duo - He's cracked!!! AAAH!   
  
Wufei - I find that attractive   
  
Duo - (pukes) You're sick, Wu-man!  
  
Relena - (sees all this) I can't believe you dumped me for him!   
  
Wufei - Well I was always gay. I just used you as a cover up. Oh by the way Duo, you're looking good   
  
Duo - O.O;;; (screams and runs off) Okaa-san!!! Ugly, baka guy likes me!!!!   
  
Relena - (starts to cry) Heero... Come back to me, my love   
  
Heero - (jumps out of his Gundam) I don't like you anymore   
  
Wufei - He's mine, hands off!!   
  
Heero - (gets back into his Gundam, and blows both of them up) Ah, sweet revenge!   
(Wing Zero sees a female attractive Gundam, turns around, and SMILES. *don't ask, it was Kaze Okoshi's idea*) Wing Zero! What are you doing?! (Wing Zero walks to that gundam  
with hearts in its eyes) Wing Zero! What the hell?!   
  
::Will Relena ever get her head out of that sombrero? Will Wing Zero succeed in its lovelife? Will Wufei ever attract Heero? Will Quatre's mansion ever smell clean again? Will Treize stay dead? Will Duo stop his dramatic signature?::   
  
Find out in the sequel!   
  
The End   



End file.
